I’m left questioning something deep, after a conversation with someone recently, does life have a true purpose.
We’d been chatting all day, we’d often share thoughts and the conversation was always interesting, as I was discussing my thoughts about how I never really feel like we’ll understand ourselves because we are all just here on floating rock in the middle of space, something from a previous blog entry, she turns to me and says “life has no purpose”, I agree in the moment, she tells me it can set you free, but I am not sure on that one.
So sit back and witness me revel in thought as I discuss this thought with myself.
So life has no purpose… I always sort of hoped it did but I never felt like it had any, it seems like we all just fuck, produce sproglets, grow old and die, leaving our children to follow suit and so on.
Surely that can’t be it, there must be a bigger purpose, there’s no known confirmed other life in our own solar system, we have yet to find anything outside that either, so what the fuck are we doing here, on this stupid fucking floating rock, spinning around a giant fireball, fucking eachother until we all eventually either kill ourselves and our planet or die of other causes.
I don’t fucking know.
Does this set me free? Does it set you free?
I don’t know, she said nothing matters you can do anything you want really, but I could always do that anyway, will I now take less care towards life, or will I seek purpose.
I think deep down we all want meaning, we all want a bigger purpose, but we are too stubborn to admit that actually there is none, no fucking purpose at all.
Free? No I don’t think it’ll set me free, I think only I can set myself free and for the most part I feel unshackled already, but that might be due to my candid response to life. If anything thought of having no purpose is more grounding, I might as well just go jump of a cliff and that’ll be the end, no point, but yet I don’t…
Regardless of whether or not it’s true, there is a small bit of hope in me that believes there is a purpose.
That’s it purpose doesn’t really matter, purpose probably isn’t going to get you to work, it’s hope.
Hope is what drives us, without hope we are nothing.
It’s always there, even in times of “hopelessness” it’s still there, we hope it’s going to get better, we hope we’ll live a good life and be remembered, we hope it’s not all for nothing.
Hope is the sole reason I am alive today.
However I’m afraid it probably all is meaningless and one day I’ll produce a child of my own and they too will take this burden of life and it’s repetitive cycle and so on, and then eventually it’ll stop, it’ll probably be our own doing but the cycle will be broken, and I’m curious whether or not I care because I’ll be long gone, and maybe the suffering of never knowing will end.
We could all be an experiment in some intergalactic reality TV show, or just a computer simulation, or we could all long dead, maybe this is afterlife, we’ll probably never know, but I guess our best bet is to keep going because if we all give up now and it was all for nothing, you’ll miss out on all the fun.
Have your fun, live your life, do what you love, it might be mean nothing overall but it only has to have meaning to yourself, that’s what matters.
Maybe that is freedom, the ability to take that knowledge and do everything for yourself regardless, I don’t know, maybe we never will.
I think that is my conclusion, granted it’s somewhat ambiguous and maybe contradictory, but it is my distorted conclusion regardless.
Maybe stop and share your thoughts.